Realization that I didn't Realize

I was listening to a religious commentary of the morning session from the BBS. The Lam was explaining a text from his desk and i could understand it was about the debate between Budhha and his doubting Thomasses,the Drangtsongs. It imbued me with wonder to listen to the fundamental truths that he preached more than some 2000 yrs ago.
"i am just 30,"i bubbled with childish life, infact a year older... than when Buddha first renounced his worldly life. Although it is pity that i havent much realised my life more than a mere biological existance, there are times when i get unceremoniously religious. I would go for long prayers in my room that i lovingly call my Chhoesam. I had often kidded with my wife about the shortage of statues in my chhoesam but well who cares...it is all about emptiness ultimately! The first sets of small statues that are there,were bought many years ago when i first got my salary in bulk. That time around,half of my income had to be sent to my aging parents since they wanted to strike out on a pilgrimage which i thought was good intention.
well i guess, being good, helping others and not harming lives is integral part of harmonious co-existance and a balancing act of food chain. I hardly put these as any religion.I wish i cud muster enough courage for a round of debate with Bhutanese or Tibetan lams, about wat is religion or wat is not. Not that i do not imbibe buddhism, not because i teach chemistry or Evolutionary history for that matter but because i do not understand wat is religion at large. The more i grow, the lesser i understand wat is religion. The deeper i think, the lesser i find truth....i wish i had opened up my eyes to buddhism when i was a kid. Not now.Because now, i am endowed with much greater burden of likes and dislikes, true and false,good and bad, self and non-self. The ability to make these judgement is so interred in my bones that i cant truly consider all these as One. So how do i practise religion?..aww is it religion? I wish i do not give names to simple chores like being good as religion. These are human activities sans religion ,sans god, sans any names. I do not buy the fact that one has to follow religion in life to be happy. There are more people in the world who do not have any dogmatic religion but they surely have fared well in happiness,aint it enough for us to show that we are all but same?.

(...Laso...this was written not just to polarise any views nor as to claim anything but outta desire to kill my time here in the net!!...lol)